Kym's Blog

What have You done for me lately???

    Wow has it been since June since I last blogged??? Crazy. This summer has been absolutely crazy. We've traveled, released Paul's new book and I've gone to at least 30 baseball games. I also learned how to play Corn Hole(the name sounds awful but it's quite innocent). I have been trying to go with the flow more and trust God's daily pace for me. It's been a challenge in that I love a semi-predictable schedule with lots of built in margin time. I like to read and work on coaching and learn. But this summer has been about support, traveling and flexibility. But I am going back to Atlanta tom. Yippee!!! I get to sleep in my own bed something I have not experienced since March 1st!

    I have been learning two lessons this summer that have really impacted my personal growth and my day to day experience. The first is that I need to commit to the idea daily that God is good.....Al the time. I can hear the Amen Choir in the back. I have known this but not really practiced this if that makes sense. I find that I am saying it out loud and after things that are so frustrating. Something breaks, I lose an important paper, Paul's team has a 13 inning game and is leaving in the morning, the kids are not listening to me, my kids both throw up on road trips... I am tempted every time to get mad at God. I mean He is ruining my plans. But I am learning to relax and say God You are good and You have what's best for me in mind all the time. My friend Sylvia and I text each other when the results come though after we doubted and were stressed....."ALL THINGS." Which brings me to my second lesson. Why is God always having to prove something to me? Why is it that amnesia comes over me when a crisis arrises and I forget who and what He has done for me? I was thinking the other day about Paul's baseball career. When he got his 100th win everyone was so happy with him. When he played against the Yankees in the playoffs most of the press and most of the fans were outraged. He was insulted for throwing "junk at 86 miles per hour." And then we win and he's good enough. They forgot to remember that he is the master of creativity. They had no idea the "Double Pump" was in the works! I see that with God. Time and time again He has come through for me in ways I never could have imagined. I raised two kids mostly alone and He was there and they somehow are alive and well. I have moved over 50 times. I had crazy neighbors, flea infestations, scary dark apartments that smelled of onions, family dynamics I could write a year about, health problems, pitching arm problems, Hgh problems and yes money problems. All situations that when they came up were bothersome and overwhelming. I felt I had to solve the problem or perhaps worry it to death. And always there was an end to it and always God came though. I'm not saying He came though Kym Byrd style. For some reason, He keeps doing things His way and not mine! Imagine that. But out of chaos and confusion with lots of added stress I saw something. I saw GOOD. Good came out of it and it had God's double pump written all over it. I am finishing a book called "A Deeper Kind of Calm." In it the author asks you to write a list of all the ways God has come through for you. It took me a while to do it, But when I did I was amazed at all the times I thought it was the end of the world. And it made me sad for God. It must be so frustrating to come through and no one remembers. So you come through again. And again. And again. Hoping this time that Kym will remember!! I am embracing that He is good and He has always come though today in the midst of my daily challenges. 

Champagne,Judgement and Fresh Baked Cookies

        Well, it has been way too long since I have blogged. Life as always is full. My dear husband Paul was coming up for his 100th career win. Lots of people might giggle and say,"Hasn't he played for like 12 years and he only has 100 career wins?" I can see their point. It looks so simple and effortless. But the true story is so much more than that. I mean were you there when he blew his shoulder out, was put on waivers, had Tommy John's or through years of insomnia?? I was. This crazy baseball life has been an intense adventure. So I had to be with him when he hit this achievement. So I went to Chicago. Loss. Cleveland. Loss. Kansas City. Loss(bad loss). And finally we went to Detroit and HE WON!!! I was so happy for him. It was a milestone for him. I thought we'd celebrate quietly. What touched me the most was that the best clubhouse guy Tony knew about it too. He had champagne for Paul. He did joke and say he'd been carrying it for a while and it had cobwebs on it! The organization made a big deal out of it. And I realized how much it means when we take the time to celebrate each other's special days. Even if it's little to you, it might mean something really big to someone else. A friend recently said, "Why is it that we celebrate people after they die? We all make time to come in and tell stories and honor this life. But the person is dead and never felt what he meant to you." So true.

   I'm reading a great book about judgment. Just how it's a natural thing for us to do but it is destructive and something we need to fight against. I have become aware of all the ways I do this. I assume I know why others do the things they do. I am critical of anything I eat off of my diet. I believe my world view is God's world view. I know ,I know what my kids are thinking. It's been an amazing process to just observe and ask questions rather than making up a story about what went on and committing to that. What I see from that habit is me getting my feelings hurt less and feeling good about me. So I am now working on being kind to me and giving others lots of grace and space to grow. I'm feeling lighter and more peaceful. Stay tuned...

   I went to CA over the weekend on a road trip. It was alot of fun. Anyone who knows me knows I am all about hotels. I have been known to never leave the room and conduct all business in white robes and slippers! I love the beds, room service and the idea that I have no choice but to relax. What a treat. Lately, I have felt discouraged with God. Mainly, I feel like I am going through a time of faith and not feelings. I find that to be challenging. I like warm fuzzies!! But I am learning to trust God in everything regardless of my circumstances and feelings. So I am trusting in the mystery and unknown. I was spending time in the hotel room with my dear friend Shauna. She likes hotels too! We were lounging and talking about how God gives us what we need at just the right time. Then the door opens and it is room service. We nicely said," No!No! We didn't order room service." He came in and said he had something for us. It was a plate. It had four large fresh baked cookies with an edible chocolate note that said,"Welcome!" They were so delicious. An oatmeal with dried fruit and nuts, a chocolate chip, macadamia chip and peanut butter. As silly as it sounds I took it as a warm fuzzy from God. It was a little reminder of His provision and thoughtfulness. I guess I NEEDED cookies.  

Living In Between

Having turned 36 last month I am starting to see parts of me change. Not just my metabolism and eyes, but how I feel and deal with people and life. One thing I find is that I am taking things less personal. Years back if someone hurt me it became more about me and less about their behavior and issues. As time passes I am realizing that I can really only trust a few people in this world. Even those people are not perfect and not Jesus and there is great potential for me to get hurt. I feel like each year I am facing the same question...Do I let my heart become hardened or do I continue to risk?It's a big question. When I get hurt and disappointed there is such a temptation for me to pull back, shut down and never risk and trust again. In some ways it feels VERY safe. After all, I can't get hurt if I don't ever put myself in that position. That appeals to me. But then I've had the gift of meeting those people. They are cynical and angry and frowning. They have few friends and the wall they have protecting them prevents anyone from loving them or getting close at all. They lose the ability to be fair. They judge others without all the facts because "they know that kind." But putting myself out there is so risky. There are lots of tears and crushing disappointments. True, people may see me as naive and foolish. I get taken advantage of sometimes. I'm am labeled "nice." But each day is a new day full of possibilities and hope. I want to love because of who I am and whose love I have received. I want my heart to be open to the trust and love and hope. I think that I am learning more and more that life either way will be hard and full of challenges and struggles, but the EXPERIENCE of life is my choice. What I choose to do with what I've been given is a gift I get to choose. I have this belief that when people are on their death bed they are never asking, "Did I buy enough stuff? Why didn't I win one more game?Isn't it amazing that I went through life without getting hurt?" Nope. I believe we'll want to ask things like,"Did I love enough? Was I kind? Will people remember what I stood for? Did I impact a nobody?" So I choose as an act of my will to love, to forgive, to believe and to hope and maybe just maybe I will see amazing things in this life.

Christmas Time is Here?????

I can't believe November is almost over. There are only 80 days until Spring Training. The time is flying. I am still eating Halloween candy, Turkey hash and putting away the Publix salt and pepper Pilgrim shakers and now it's time to decorate for Christmas. Are you kidding me?
I think the holidays which are intended to be time for family and love and laughter, becomes stressful and too busy for me. I have to consciously decide what I would like to do for them. I love Christmas cards. Let me rephrase that, I love getting Christmas cards so I send them so I keep getting them! I love the photos, the sparkly cards and even the perfect life illusion updates. You are caught up in a whole year in literally five lines. I like the tree but dread taking down the fifty boxes of impulse decoration spending I have. I always find a piece of the nativity gone. First the goat, then a wise man but so far Baby Jesus always stays with the set. I like shopping so I love to buy gifts. But I hate that gifts become more of the focus than they should.
I think this is the time in my life that I have the chance to re-examine how and why I do things. Do I really have to or want to send out 300 cards. Does every person I know need to receive a gift? Maybe instead of putting up lights we can pay to see them at Lake Lanier. When the holidays are over there is nothing to take down. Once we left our lights out an entire year. I'm sure the neighbors talked trash about us. We even entertained the idea of creating lights that change color based on every holiday. Pink,green and yellow for Easter, black and orange for Halloween, flashing red for Valentine's. Can you just see it? You watch some lady reading this will make millions on QVC.
The idea is to make things simple and authentic. What is your special way of celebrating? Christ came to bring joy and peace not anxiety and stress. My cousin makes lasagna the night before and then they eat and SHE gets to enjoy Christmas too. We cut the kids off at two gifts a piece a few need gifts and a stocking full of chapsticks, fake dog poop and books. My friend Shauna sends gifts to friends in the form of donations to charities. No stuff or wrapping paper needed.
My point is that I forget all the time that I have a choice in how I decide to celebrate. I can spend a million dollars on lights or light one candle on the dining room table. I can listen to Josh Groben or Alvin and the Chipmunks. Whatever causes me to be mindful that Jesus came and offered me hope and love and grace is how I should celebrate the holidays.
So have yourself a merry little Christmas Day.

It's TRIBE Time Now

I think it's October 20th! I am sort of out of it. I have been traveling back and forth. Atlanta-Cleveland-Boston-Atlanta. The suspense is killing me. I'll admit to some I may not be the best baseball wife. I sort of watch the game. I am into every pitch when Paul throws, but the other nights I have the game on while doing laundry, emailing and peeking at Law and Order. But this year life is beginning to change. I am so into the games. You'd think I was married to all the players. I am as Tribefan as they come. Okay, I am not as intense as my parents who are twirling their towels in the livingroom at home! But, I'm into it. I have to say, the guys on the team and their wives are so excited, so appreciative and so giddy. We've formed a little family. I share my Zantac 150's with wives who have eaten too many greasy foods while stressing during the game. We hi-five eachother when we score a run. I am screaming at games. I may paint my face and have a feather headress on next time.
What I think is also funny is that I live this double life right now. I am up until 6:30am on a team plane celebrating. Then I am home helping Colby with a book report and making sandwiches for school lunch. I love being with Paul and having fun AND I am learning to appreciate the normal life we have as well. Baseball wives may I say are strong women. We are very independent and we can do some serious multi-tasking. I am thinking about the possibility of Paul throwing in the World Series, but there is an equally important matter at hand as well...Halloween Costumes and trick-or-treating! Do I buy candy in Georgia or Cleveland. I know we live this extrodinary life, but I also want my kids to experience the special normal kid things like getting candy, your mom taking out all the "poisonous ones"(somehow those were always Snickers) and dumping your bag out on the den floor and throwing out the wax black and orange ones! I guess behind that is the deep desire and passion I have for my kids to be down to earth. They have experienced so much and I am so grateful for it. But I think for me I can see the temptation to let all this life consume me and I can miss the real blessings and the ones that will stick with me long after Paul retires(and wins the World Series and says he did it for me!Hee Hee). So I live in both worlds and try to navigate through them the best way I can. I think savor is the best choice of words. I am attempting to savor all that baseball brings and all that life has to offer. So I'll go without some sleep, eat chips after 6pm., cheer until I'm hoarse AND check out Colby's new purchases on Club Pengiun and quiz Grayson on arachnids. Because as they say, "Life is not a dress rehersal. It's live." Let's GO Tribe!!!!!

Is it September already?

Where did the season go? I am amazed that we are in September. It's and exciting time. Paul's team is doing great and each game is a mini drama to watch. I would love to see them go to the playoffs. There is a certain beauty in watching Paul persevere through the season and get a chance to show that he's still got it.
From a wife point of view this is the challenging time of the season. I moved back to our home in "Hotlanta." The boys are in school again. I have free time!! But we are seeing Paul a few days a month. It's been better than I anticipated. I think for me the hardest thing is the responsibility of doing it alone. Even with help, as a single parent the pressure is there. I like most parents want them to turn out well. When I say well, let me clarify. I want them to have quality character, to love God, to chase dreams and somehow stay grounded in the life we have lived. I am willing to forgo perfectly combed hair, and matching clothes or perfect grades. raising boys is not an easy task. I find I am always trying to stay one step ahead. Paul and I after some therapy have been really working hard to learn to respect eachother and support eachother. This is not a small task. I think mostly Paul means well, but being the big presence he is can step on my toes and in helping make things worse. So we are really working well together to change these cycles so we can have a smoother transition in the off season. This means really trusting the parenting and going with what I have worked really hard to establish.
As we move toward retirement in the near/years future we are working on these things now to hopefully prevent problems later on. I need to work on a few things. One is that although everyone who knows me knows I adore Paul and appreciate him so much, but I'm a terrible praiser. I don't usually give him much feedback unless he has blown it in my mind. So as silly as it sounds I am working on saying it TO him rather than about him.
The other piece I am working on is my overly accomodating nature. I'm good at setting boundaries with outside people, but in my own family I can easily put myself last. I am not the most insistant person. Our therapists say I am too ambiguous. I am. I want to do all these amazing things and then out of fear can talk myself out of them. I have heard that everyone has this internal dialogue that says things like,"You are selfish," "Don't go something bad will happen," "You're a fake" or "It will never happen." Please shake your head like you relate or it will be a sign I'm in need of strong medication. I think there is great beauty in having courage and moving forward even though you feel like you're gonna pee in your pants. I realize all this dialogue and ambiquity is a direct route to my resentment. I put myself last and then conveniently blame Paul, the kids or global warming. So I am asking myself the question, 'What do I need?" and seeing how I can make this happen. In Fearless Living training a big thing we had to learn was the phrase," I choose." When you say "I chose" you can't blame someone else because you chose to or you chose not to. It's a powerful thing for me because I move out of excuse and in to action. So I am choosing to work out, take a relationship coaching course, visit Paul a few more times and planning a few days of volunteer work for my family. They all matter AND so do I. What in your life are you compelled to be doing right now? Just remember it's already September.

Little Miss Chatterbox

Paul and I were laying in bed watching the Smiling Preacher, Joel Osteen. He gave a great sermon on not using words but rather living a life that speaks. It really impacted me on several levels. As a christian, I feel like talking and judging is so prevelant. I met a homosexual man once who said he dreaded christians picketing at his funeral. His partner had died and the outside was filled with hateful christians. It really bothered me because it made my friend dread Jesus and in his deepest pain he was cut down more. Sure we can disagree on his lifestyle, but I think they missed an opportunity to love. Why not cook a meal, pray with them, cry with them? Someone died. So in all those hate filled words and signs christians spoke volumes. It would be hard for me to talk to a christian or walk into a church after that.
As a parent it really hits home. I am the BEST lecturer eva!! I give a lecture for gratitude, grades, college, attitude. I've been talking and talking so much with the kids that I know I sound just like Charlie Brown's teacher....WAWAWAWAMWAMMWEWW. So I was talking to our family counselor about this and he said all the talking was stripping away my authority. I'm explaining and to the kids it gives the underlying message that I am unsure of my decisions. I was floored. He's right though. How many Presidents of companies explain to their employees every choice they make? Never because they "THE BOSS."
With friends and people I love, I remembering to show it more. Not in the words but in the way I act toward them. As everyone is I am very busy. But the busyness can become the ultimate twist of truth. Sometimes stopping what I am doing for someone else is speaking the love I feel for them deep down inside. I would it when I die if people were clueless about all the deep things I have in my heart for them. I don't want, "Busy", "Driven," "Cold," and "Distant," were written on my tombstone. I want to be known and for people to see a difference in me and the way they I treated them.
So I am trying to begin in little ways talking less and speaking louder through actions. With strangers, being kind and friendly. Making the effort to give people breaks and express gratitude. With my kids, getting them involved in charity so that they can learn gratitutde by feeding those than have less. With one friend that I have not made the effort for, driving to see her new house. Making the time for her. And with my husband looking him in the eye and hugging him and putting the kids to bed early for alone time just with him. In the world making the effort to do my part to make the changes in the world.

Survival of the Fittest????!!

Okay. I officially survived the first 9 day road trip. Crazy to say the least. At first it seemed like it would be great. Easy. But as the week progressed I began to realize how much I missed Paul. How much he is needed around here. i can do it myself but it's not my best. I am aware that kids really do benefit from both parents. I think God gave us two parents so they can ballance eachother out. Paul in our home is much more playful. he'll play monster and hit the kids with pillows. Our home goes from tidy to a war zone. He eats Cinnamon Toast Crunch.( I get a little fussed at when the supply is not replenished.) He uses a stern voice when he's displeased that I can't achieve although I try yelling. There is respect that comes with his presence. Even the dogs obey and submit. We are a perfect pair for eachother. I make sure everyone(including the dogs) eats veggies, has vitamins and gets the day to day things done. Sometimes I feel like I'm the one facing hitters and thinking about what pitch to throw and how to get out of loaded base jams. Jams like calling poison control because the dog ate your Zyrtec pill. Or making calls in fights between the boys. I handle serous concerns of 9 and ten year olds.
I worry sometimes about whether the lifestyle is good or bad for my kids. At this point, it's all they know. They have always traveled and have a few free round trip tickets from Sky Miles. But sometimes I feel so inadequate as a mom to them. I fall so short in being Mom and Dad to them. I give them more quantity time and Paul is better at quality. Each year we really examine whether or not to keep playing. There are times like roadtrips and time at the field that are so special. But then I worry that we are missing the normal things like summers, one home, and Dad tucking you in at night. Paul thinks that there are reasons beyond our comprehension as to where and how we are brought up. He truly believes that there are no perfect circumstances and God will use all of these things to shape their individual stories. I think there is wisdom in this thought. Even researchers, cannot with 100% accuracy predict what the outcome will be. An author I love says, "Love covers a multitude of sins." I hope in 20 years with a little therapy, my kids will know we love them and leave our home having all kids of unique life experiences. And maybe remember great things about baseball life. Until then, we will continue the great balancing act.

Jump In

Well, the final days of Spring Training are coming to a close. I love Spring Training. It's a mini vacation. Paul works but is home everynight...for dinner, family time and sleep. It's the way I would love baseball to run. But as it comes to a close I know the long roadtrips are just around the corner. Today I am feeling very tired. Emotionally and physically. My boys who are 17 months apart and very different are fighting alot. They are 10 and 9 and the challenging of authority and pushing the limits is peering around the corner. They amaze me and exhaust me all in one moment. Unlimited energy. The inability to color and sit still and stay clean. And the ongoing urge to poke, push and wrestle eachother. As times, like today, I feel ill equipped to parent them. I feel challenged. I feel like I have to put up this incredible front that I am bigger,stronger and smarter. The truth is me all by myself feels pretty small. I've read dozens of parenting book, read scripture and consulted friends. But my bag of tricks is growing stale. Today what is giving me hope is that God loves me, He's with me and He believes in me. Me as a mom, imagine that. Having all the answer is impossible. I feel like I am playing craps in Las Vegas. I am throwing the dice and hoping and praying what I feel in my gutt is the right thing for them. I used to think I had to do things perfect and if I did A,B and C then D would be sure to follow. D for me is perfect kids, perfect family,showers of flowers on Mother's Day. But the truth is even researchers can give you information but they can't 100% tell us what is best. We do what seems like the closest thing to 100 and we roll the dice. Because ultimately God is the X factor that can change it all. I am amazed at kids who grow up beautifully that were raised by evil people. ANd then caring loving people end up with crazy children. I think when you have kids you have to be "all in." There's no turning back. For me today I am placing my hand in God's and jumping off the cliff. Who knows where I'll land but with my boys I am all in. In every little step I feel like God will show me what's next like the breadcrumbs that led Hansel and Gretl home. So for all those baseball moms...grace to you and you are not alone God is with you as you raise those kids. One of my favorite songs says,"Just let go, jump. It's so amazing. There's beauty in the breakdown."

Walking a mile in his Adidas shoes

Well the first round of research went well. We truly only interviewed for 4 days and we have completed 52 interveiws with several on a waiting list. I am so excited to find out the common themes and help to find good proactive solutions.
One thing Tom the male researcher said has impacted me quite a bit. He said that the men he interviewed loved their families and although they love playing baseball aren't loving the time away as much as I have fantisized the last 13 years. I always think Paul is having an absolute blast. Eating out every night, room service and of course ... sleeping in. I have had a chance on a few occassions the last few years to leave my family for conferences with life coaching. But I must admit there are emotions I go through. I feel a hint of guilt that I am leaving the boys. I feel a hint of concern that evveryting will not go smoothly. But I still go because sometimes I need to be the one saying goodbye and Paul needs to be alone with the kids. I usually have a nice time but honestly, I miss my family. I order room service...alone. Watch TV..alone. Sleep...alone. At first I feel like I hit the jackpot but then I realize I like those people that get on my nerves and that I feel a slave to. The best part about these trips is that it reminds me to choose. When I get to choose and embrace my choice my jealousy of what Paul gets to do goes down. He missed Gray's first steps and when Colby lost his first tooth. And what's funny is that Paul loves a home cooked meal, mine at that rather than going out. It can be sloppy joes and he is happy as a clam. There are tings about this life that are really hard. And although I might enjoy an extra couple of hours of sleep each month I wouldn't like what comes with it. Traveling ALL the time in different time zones. Physically performing. Knowing that if you don't get a win your family can be relocated or receive less income. So it was good for me to hear guys love us.