Kym's Blog

Jump In

Well, the final days of Spring Training are coming to a close. I love Spring Training. It's a mini vacation. Paul works but is home everynight...for dinner, family time and sleep. It's the way I would love baseball to run. But as it comes to a close I know the long roadtrips are just around the corner. Today I am feeling very tired. Emotionally and physically. My boys who are 17 months apart and very different are fighting alot. They are 10 and 9 and the challenging of authority and pushing the limits is peering around the corner. They amaze me and exhaust me all in one moment. Unlimited energy. The inability to color and sit still and stay clean. And the ongoing urge to poke, push and wrestle eachother. As times, like today, I feel ill equipped to parent them. I feel challenged. I feel like I have to put up this incredible front that I am bigger,stronger and smarter. The truth is me all by myself feels pretty small. I've read dozens of parenting book, read scripture and consulted friends. But my bag of tricks is growing stale. Today what is giving me hope is that God loves me, He's with me and He believes in me. Me as a mom, imagine that. Having all the answer is impossible. I feel like I am playing craps in Las Vegas. I am throwing the dice and hoping and praying what I feel in my gutt is the right thing for them. I used to think I had to do things perfect and if I did A,B and C then D would be sure to follow. D for me is perfect kids, perfect family,showers of flowers on Mother's Day. But the truth is even researchers can give you information but they can't 100% tell us what is best. We do what seems like the closest thing to 100 and we roll the dice. Because ultimately God is the X factor that can change it all. I am amazed at kids who grow up beautifully that were raised by evil people. ANd then caring loving people end up with crazy children. I think when you have kids you have to be "all in." There's no turning back. For me today I am placing my hand in God's and jumping off the cliff. Who knows where I'll land but with my boys I am all in. In every little step I feel like God will show me what's next like the breadcrumbs that led Hansel and Gretl home. So for all those baseball moms...grace to you and you are not alone God is with you as you raise those kids. One of my favorite songs says,"Just let go, jump. It's so amazing. There's beauty in the breakdown."

Walking a mile in his Adidas shoes

Well the first round of research went well. We truly only interviewed for 4 days and we have completed 52 interveiws with several on a waiting list. I am so excited to find out the common themes and help to find good proactive solutions.
One thing Tom the male researcher said has impacted me quite a bit. He said that the men he interviewed loved their families and although they love playing baseball aren't loving the time away as much as I have fantisized the last 13 years. I always think Paul is having an absolute blast. Eating out every night, room service and of course ... sleeping in. I have had a chance on a few occassions the last few years to leave my family for conferences with life coaching. But I must admit there are emotions I go through. I feel a hint of guilt that I am leaving the boys. I feel a hint of concern that evveryting will not go smoothly. But I still go because sometimes I need to be the one saying goodbye and Paul needs to be alone with the kids. I usually have a nice time but honestly, I miss my family. I order room service...alone. Watch TV..alone. Sleep...alone. At first I feel like I hit the jackpot but then I realize I like those people that get on my nerves and that I feel a slave to. The best part about these trips is that it reminds me to choose. When I get to choose and embrace my choice my jealousy of what Paul gets to do goes down. He missed Gray's first steps and when Colby lost his first tooth. And what's funny is that Paul loves a home cooked meal, mine at that rather than going out. It can be sloppy joes and he is happy as a clam. There are tings about this life that are really hard. And although I might enjoy an extra couple of hours of sleep each month I wouldn't like what comes with it. Traveling ALL the time in different time zones. Physically performing. Knowing that if you don't get a win your family can be relocated or receive less income. So it was good for me to hear guys love us.

Saying Hello

So two days ago I went to the game. It was great to see all the wives/girlfriends from last year. It's very reassuring to be with people you know. I am excited about what the season holds. The research is going well and I am excited to see the final outcome. I also am hoping to be a bit more social this year and even host a girls night. So I am in the stands and I see all kinds of "new" faces. I smile and look, but never muster the courage to be the first one to introduce myself. Sure, I'll ask the wife I know,"Who is that?" I consider myself a very friendly person. But I just ...smile. And smile. Why is it difficult to make the first move? I guess I feel like a dork in highschool still. I feel dorky saying, "Hi, I'm Paul Byrd's wife. What's your name?" Sometimes I don't know if it's appropriate because they might be a girl the guy met at Beef O'Brady's last night at happy hour. Sometimes, I feel afraid I might have met them before and don't know their name.Could they be with the other team? But I remember being the "new" girl on let's see atleast 6 teams. You feel sized up and uncomfortable. What are the rules and how are the wives. I met a girlfriend once who was terrified of the wives because on a previous team she was treated poorly. I hate that. We're all women there with a common theme...baseball players. We're there supporting, cheering and eating nachos. We were all "new" at one time. Didn't we appreciate the one wife who walked over and introduced herself? I did. SO today, I am going to make the effort to cross over and say, "Hi, we haven't met before. I'm Kym. Maybe just maybe I can make a "new" girl smile too!