Living In Between

Having turned 36 last month I am starting to see parts of me change. Not just my metabolism and eyes, but how I feel and deal with people and life. One thing I find is that I am taking things less personal. Years back if someone hurt me it became more about me and less about their behavior and issues. As time passes I am realizing that I can really only trust a few people in this world. Even those people are not perfect and not Jesus and there is great potential for me to get hurt. I feel like each year I am facing the same question...Do I let my heart become hardened or do I continue to risk?It's a big question. When I get hurt and disappointed there is such a temptation for me to pull back, shut down and never risk and trust again. In some ways it feels VERY safe. After all, I can't get hurt if I don't ever put myself in that position. That appeals to me. But then I've had the gift of meeting those people. They are cynical and angry and frowning. They have few friends and the wall they have protecting them prevents anyone from loving them or getting close at all. They lose the ability to be fair. They judge others without all the facts because "they know that kind." But putting myself out there is so risky. There are lots of tears and crushing disappointments. True, people may see me as naive and foolish. I get taken advantage of sometimes. I'm am labeled "nice." But each day is a new day full of possibilities and hope. I want to love because of who I am and whose love I have received. I want my heart to be open to the trust and love and hope. I think that I am learning more and more that life either way will be hard and full of challenges and struggles, but the EXPERIENCE of life is my choice. What I choose to do with what I've been given is a gift I get to choose. I have this belief that when people are on their death bed they are never asking, "Did I buy enough stuff? Why didn't I win one more game?Isn't it amazing that I went through life without getting hurt?" Nope. I believe we'll want to ask things like,"Did I love enough? Was I kind? Will people remember what I stood for? Did I impact a nobody?" So I choose as an act of my will to love, to forgive, to believe and to hope and maybe just maybe I will see amazing things in this life.

Comments

[Michelle Caswell]

Kym - you have an amazing generosity of spirit...

Take care of you, Michelle

[Amanda Smith]

Amen! you are so right in this!!